Friday, July 11, 2014

I think I'm about to be benched

I'm 36w1d and I can tell my body is starting to give me big signs that it's time to slow way, way down.

I'm thinking I'm going to end up on disability early. In fact, I would bet money it will be as early as next week. Or I could even deliver before July 29 to potential pre-eclampsia creeping in. But guess what? Sammy is doing WONDERFULLY, and to me that's the most important thing. She passed yesterday's biophysical profile with flying colors in four minutes. She's an overachiever!

Please don't read the next few paragraphs and think I'm complaining. I'm not. I'm just reporting what is going on with my body because it's part of how pregnancy works. I could not be more grateful that I've made it this far and can even write about these inevitable ailments that come with third trimester pregnancy.

Despite physical therapy, my SI joint pain has become so intense I can't even do the most basic things anymore like cook dinner, clean the house, or get ready for work without being in excruciating pain with every single step. Kevin is doing everything around the house, and I am so, so grateful. Because even the walk from the couch to the restroom is putting me in tears. It feels like a knife going into my back/hip when weight is put on my leg, and then again when the weight is removed. The only relief is to lay down on my side. At first, the SI pain was only on the left side and was mild. But as my belly has grown and my joints continue to give out, the pain level is much more intense and it is also on my right side. I can no longer favor one side and limp around. I just plain can't walk anymore.

Even though I work a desk job, walking from the car to the office or from my desk to the bathroom is beyond-comprehension painful. I'm hoping to figure out a telecommuting arrangement with work between now and delivery (which I'm skeptical will happen due to our new company policies) or I'll be forced on disability earlier than planned. Leaving for LOA early will mean returning to work early. I don't like that, so I'm really trying to tough it out as long as I can. I obviously want to spend the LOA time off with Sammy, not alone on the couch debilitated before her arrival. But I'm at the point where I think I don't have a choice anymore. I see it coming soon and I'm bracing myself for that reality. It's okay. I'll deal with it.

And as for pre-e, my blood pressure is slowly but surely going up over the past couple of days. Until now, I've been shocked that my BP has been relatively low/normal during my entire pregnancy. And so has my MFM! I have pretty much every risk factor out there for pre-eclampsia and using donor embryos is one of them. So I suppose it is inevitable. It's not super high yet, but since it's steadily going up up up, we think that it is just a matter of time until it's high enough to be a problem. My MFM says that if I show even signs of mild pre-e after 37 weeks, that's an indication to deliver. I'm keeping a close eye on it but I'm happy I'm so close to being full term that it shouldn't even be a big deal if it happens.

Infertility has taught me a lot. But probably one of the most profound lessons is to just roll with the punches. If I try to plan and work around MY plans, that's when disappointment and heartache enters. I'm going to just follow doctor's orders, try to tough out this SI pain until it's clear I'm forced to throw in the towel, and then leave it up to God and the universe as to what will happen next. The most important thing is that Sammy makes it here safe and sound. And she's dancing around in my belly as I type this so I have a smile on my face no matter what else is going on with my body.

Anyway, I'll leave you with my 36w bump picture!
Sporting my new, shorter mommy haircut!



20 comments:

  1. You look so pretty!

    And, give yourself the right to complain. I'm a firm believer that you can be grateful for the overall situation but not thrilled with (and complain about) some of the details.
    👶

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    1. Aww thank you! You're sweet!
      You're right about separating the two concepts. I'm definitely beyond grateful but can recognize these past couple of weeks haven't exactly been walk in the park. :) And that's ok. Thanks for your support, always!

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  2. You are doing great. Complaining is okay - it in no way undermines your gratefulness! Being pregnant is hard work on your body and you are doing it amazingly.

    Just think - only 6 days and you cross the 37 week milestone. If she comes then she should be simply perfect. Plus if she comes a little early - it's more LOA time with her (rather than waiting around on her). Trust that God has perfect timing! Blessings to you.

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    1. Thank you, and I know I can't believe how close I am to being full term. Just mind blowing! You're right, God does have perfect timing. I've seen his hand in all of this.

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  3. You look wonderful! And I love the haircut! I agree with the Lainey-Paney, it's okay to complain--it's not really complaining! Pregnancy is hard on you physically and just because you are soooo grateful to be pregnant at all doesn't mean you don't have the right to express that! I hope you find relief one way or the other!

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    1. Thank you for being so sweet and supportive! I think I'm feeling better now that I'm spending less time walking. Even minimal walking is making it worse.

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  4. I love your outlook through all of this. I hope you start to feel better.

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    1. Thank you! Sitting around is helping, so I'm optimistic I'll make it in one piece again. Yay! :)

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  5. Gorgeous haircut! Great outlook! 36 weeks is awesome - I hope you get to go as long as possible but she will be healthy!

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  6. You look great!

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  7. Definitely can't tell you are in any kind of pain. You look great! Can't wait to see the pictures and read the post when she gets here. Goodluck and Congrats!!

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    1. Thank you so much! I can't wait to take pictures and share them. I've got my camera bag all packed and I know I'll be going nuts with the pictures. Stay tuned. :)

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  8. Liz, you look so adorable, love your hair. Sorry to hear about the pain. Don't you feel guilty for one second about being uncomfortable! You have been so positive this entire journey. You are a real inspiration.

    Not too much longer and your Sammy will be in your arms.
    Take care.

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    1. You're so sweet. Thank you for the kind words. I can't believe how close we are. I daydream about the moment I meet her over and over again. It's just surreal that this is about to become a reality. I can't believe it!

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  9. You look beautiful! You had every right to feel the way you do, so no need to apologize! I hope the pain gets a little better for you because being in pain isn't fun. God bless you! Can't wait to see pictures!

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    1. Thank you! Yes, I learned that laying around is helping which is good news. It means there is something I can do! And now that I'm able to telecommute, I'm optimistic I can handle things again! Oh trust me, pictures will come. Pictures galore! :)

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  10. What a great photo. You look beautiful Liz :) Sorry to hear you're feeling so uncomfortable. Despite your difficulties your post is so positive and I can sense how excited you are to meet Sammy. I haven't commented before but follow your blog and just wanted to wish you the best of luck for the next few weeks xoxo

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    1. Thank you! Yes, I am beyond excited. Despite what is going on with me, I'm thrilled she's doing so well. To me, that is all that matters. I'll do whatever it takes!!! That you for reading my blog and for commenting. I appreciate it more than you know! :-D

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