First off, yesterday was the first Mother's Day in years I finally was able to enjoy myself. My mom was certainly on my mind, but it was mostly happy memories. I definitely hurt for the people who were certainly suffering yesterday. They will never be forgotten and are always in my prayers. Kevin spoiled the heck out of me which allowed me to loaf on the couch and take some desperately needed naps. I was so grateful to be dozing off feeling baby kicks in my belly. I felt so blessed.
Unfortunately, my dad completely bailed on us yesterday. And that hurt. I had invited him over weeks ago and let him know how much I'd love it if he'd join me for my first Mother's Day. He has known our struggle for the past three years. We touched base on Friday and he confirmed he'd come so Kevin made food for everyone. But when I called him in the morning, he didn't answer and I left a voicemail. I tried again around 2pm. We went ahead and ate without him and after dinner he called and had an "oh well, I'll catch you another time" attitude. It hurt. It's the new dad I don't recognize.
It didn't bother me too much yesterday, but it does today and I'm feeling kind of down about it. And based on his behavior since about February, I am already bracing myself for him not to come to my baby shower next month. I've told him how much that would hurt me and reminded him whenever I can about the date and time. But still, I feel like I don't know who he is anymore so I know no type of disappointment is off of the table. I wish things were different from him and his emotional absence is the largest source of pain my life despite everything else being so happy and beautiful.