Saturday I met up with a friend of mine for lunch who I haven't seen for a while. She is a woman I met through church who also struggles with infertility. She and her husband pursued traditional adoption through the foster system nearly a year ago. But shortly after being placed with three beautiful boys, ages four, three, and one, sadly, she suffered the loss of them as they were removed from her home. It crushed her beyond comprehension and my heart is forever broken for her. I hadn't seen her for many months and it was good to catch up, just the two of us. At lunch, I learned that she and her husband are planning to live child-free which I know has been an excruciatingly painful decision for her. I wish I could heal her pain. I hate that I can't. I hate that I can't heal anyone's pain from the cruel world of infertility. You can imagine my surprise when at the end of our lunch, she pulled out a gift bag of various baby items for Sammy. As I pulled them out, I learned that many of these items were treasured items to be used by my friend for her boys. I could see the tears well in her eyes as she told me how much these items meant to her, but she insisted she wouldn't give them to anyone else but me.
Words seriously can't express how honored and touched I am. These items go far beyond the items themselves. I will cherish every single item. Such a selfless woman. I hope that good things will come to her and her husband, in one way, shape, or form. I pray for joy for her.
On my way back from lunch, my dad called. We had a very upsetting conversation over the phone last week when I tried to tell him how much I missed him after he's distanced himself. That phone call ended horribly with him screaming at me and calling me names. But this time, he had a calm voice tone and wanted to see if I wanted to get together to talk. I was 99% sure that his invitation was a positive one (but when dealing with someone who suffers from bipolar, you just never can know for sure.) So I agreed to pick him up and chat at my house.
He was in a calm space which already laid the foundation for a good talk. We talked for about two hours and I felt I was adequately able to express my concerns. He told me that it's been hard for him to accept that this pregnancy is real. He knows we lost two babies before, and he also lost his spouse just over two years ago. He is traumatized by loss. He's scared of losing Sammy too. I had no idea he felt that way but I am glad he opened up about it. He apologized for his behavior the other night and for calling me a brat. I let him know how much I worry about him in general, his health, and his overall choices since my mom passed away. It's apparent I'm always going to worry about him. But at least this talk was a step in a good direction for our relationship. I'm still going to see a therapist to understand how I can best cope with an aging, blind parent who suffers from bipolar disorder. I clearly don't have the proper tools to deal with it. Having a loved one who suffers from bipolar disorder royally sucks. Because while most days can be good, you never know when the next bad day will roll around. But for today, we are in a good-ish place. I hope it lasts!
Then lastly, on Sunday, I had my first newborn photo session. I was so nervous and so excited all at the same time! Kevin came along as my assistant and we drove to the home of a very special blog reader to meet her precious newborn baby boy. I'm talking BRAND new - just four days old! I spent nearly two hours taking family portraits and newborn photos. Hats, props, blankets, the whole shebang. It was really fun getting to know the blog reader and her husband. But it was also nerve wracking seeing how I have no idea what I'm doing yet I really didn't want to let them down.
Once I got the photos home and started the post-production work on them, I realized I had taken several photos with great potential and I breathed a sigh of relief. Not only was photographing this baby a wonderful experience, I had a really good time chatting with the blog reader and her husband. In fact, she had delivered her son at the hospital I will be delivering Sammy at, and her OB is even in the same practice as mine! Kevin really got along with her husband and had lots in common! I hope that means we made some new friends! The most touching thing about the whole visit was that my new friend/blog reader (and you know who you are) pulled out the sweetest little gift to give to us. It was a book called Wherever you are, my love will find you. She got it for us because she knew how much I loved to read to Sammy. She hit the nail on the head there, that's for sure! Such a thoughtful gift.
As if that weren't enough...I opened up the book yesterday morning to read to my Sammy-belly and was surprised to find the sweetest note written inside. Holy cow, new friend....you sure know what to say to tug at my heart! She suffered from infertility herself and it really shines through in messages like this one:
|Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."|
I am so very blessed. I really am.