I'm 5w0d today!
I'm staying hopeful that my beta will look great tomorrow, but I have a feeling I'll still be a nervous wreck until I get the call. My clinic not only made me wait until 13dp6dt for my first beta, they make me wait three days in between repeat betas, and I have to get three betas total before moving onto scheduling an ultrasound. Holy moly it feels so dragged out. This means my third and final beta will be Monday, and hopefully my ultrasound will be later next week or early the week after. I hope my betas are rock star great, and I can continue to feel happy about all of this!
Physically, I'm feeling pretty good most of the day. But other than extreme hunger (which lasts all day and night) most of my symptoms mainly come out in the evenings. My breasts are the most tender in the evenings, I'm the most tired and nauseated, and most of my cramping happens between 5pm until I go to bed. In the mornings and afternoons I find myself wondering if I'm still pregnant because my symptoms are so mild or gone altogether. But when I get home from work, I definitely remember because my symptoms are all back. I guess this baby is a night owl. Does this sound familiar to anyone else?
I'm finding myself thinking a lot about our donors. My heart is bursting with gratitude to both of them for these extraordinary gifts they have given us. Both Vicky and Libby have been angels to us. At the same time, my heart is incredibly heavy and sad as I think of Libby and the suffering she and her family continues to endure with her daughter's brain tumor. I think of her constantly.
I will never understand God's reasoning for why this happened to her, especially for the timing of it. Her daughter's diagnosis gives her survival approximately nine months. And as we all know, nine months is also the length of time it takes me to have a baby. I find myself realizing that in nine months, Kevin and I could be experiencing the most incredible joy we will ever know as we bring our first child into this world. Yet at the same time, Libby and her family could be experiencing the most intense pain they will ever know as their precious baby leaves this world. I really don't understand and it seems so incredibly unfair. It's beyond my comprehension. I would trade all of this if I knew it would fix her little girl. I wish we could both have our babies here with us forever and have our "happily ever afters." I ask that you all will continue to pray for Libby's family.