The deed is done.
My blood is drawn, and now we wait. I am crazy, no, I am INSANELY anxious. There is no doubt that my first two miscarriages damaged me emotionally and mentally. I have never had a blissfully happy beta day, and I've had plenty to look back on. I had something like seven beta draws with my first pregnancy and three for my second, so driving to the lab brings up so much anxiety and fear. I felt like I was going to puke. Every time I do that drive, I feel like I'm driving to get an inevitable outcome: low, non-doubling betas.
The thoughts are racing through my mind like crazy. If I'm nervous today, I can only imagine how nervous I will feel Thursday for beta #2! Yes, I have to wait until Thursday, as if waiting 13dp6dt for beta #1 wasn't torture enough.
I appreciate the kind words and reassurance, but unfortunately there's no talking me out of the nauseating anxiety I am dealing with as I wait for the call. In fact, I started talking to a psychologist shortly after losing baby #1 and she said she thinks I suffer from post-traumatic anxiety stemming from my mom's death, severe infertility diagnosis, and subsequent losses. And on days like today, there is no doubt she's probably right! Holy anxiety, batman! I just want that call to come already so I can begin to process - good or bad.
My plan is to try to relax (ha!) by going to go get a pedicure before work and try to focus on everything else except my fears (ha again!) I have a feeling that's going to be a tall order! :) I usually get my results anywhere from 4-6 hours after draw, so stay tuned. I will post once I get them.
I thank you all so much as you pray for my beta results today. Your support means the world to me, my amazing readers!