Why do I want to just cry today? Hormones? I feel like a whole bunch of stuff is hitting me all of the sudden. It's getting real. Really real.
This could very well be my last shot at becoming pregnant. Like ever. In my life, ever. I may never know what it's like to hear the heartbeat of the tiny life growing inside of me. I may never get to feel little baby kicks. I may never get to wake Kevin up in the middle of the night to tell him "I think it's time."
This could be my last chance.
I'm thinking about what lies ahead with traditional adoption. How can we come up with 30k? What if we get scammed? What potential heartbreak lies ahead on this path? What if we never get picked? What if we do only to have the birth mother decide to parent after all?
I'm seeing birth announcements now for babies conceived after Maggie was. I should have Maggie in my arms, but I don't.
I should be nearing the end of my first trimester with our second pregnancy.
I miss my mom. I'm starting to forget her voice. It's scaring me to realize that.
Why in the world is Libby forced to endure the current circumstance with her beautiful daughter?
I'm trying not to cry myself into a mess as I write this on my phone from my work parking lot. I don't want to ruin another day for myself over nothing. I'm having one of those days that I'm sure many of you who have been through infertility and loss can relate to.
I hope I can get it together here soon and have a happy weekend.
Thanks for letting me get this out.