Monday, November 18, 2013

Tomorrow

Tomorrow could be it for us: It in a bad way or it in a good way. Tomorrow may begin the last chapter of our journey through embryo adoption. Tomorrow could even be the final page. Or wonderfully, it could be the beginning chapter of an incredible new story as we finally embark upon parenthood.

But no matter what happens, some very integral pieces of this story will indeed be written tomorrow. So much depends on the thaw.

To recap the plan, the embryologist plans to start by thawing two embryos: One embryo from Libby’s pair and the final embryo from Vicky’s batch. The survival of both of these embryos would mean we still have a final embryo of Libby’s remaining on ice. It would mean we still have one more chance. I will be overjoyed. I love them all and I don’t want any of them to die. But of course I would also love another chance.

Tomorrow we will know if we still have one more chance.

If both do survive, we will transfer them together - one of Vicky’s and one of Libby’s. This means I could potentially become pregnant with twins who are not genetically related to me or each other. Or I could become pregnant with a singleton baby and we wouldn't know it’s genetic background until birth.

Tomorrow we will know if one of each will be transferred.

We've wondered and worried since March about the embryo from Vicky’s batch surviving thaw.  The embryologist wasn't optimistic due to the way it was thawed and refrozen using slow freeze. If Vicky’s final embryo dies tomorrow, I will grieve the mere fact it’s gone. This is the last remaining snowflake of its kind. There will never be more. Ever.

Tomorrow we will know if Vicky's snowflakes are gone forever.

If Vicky’s embryo dies, we will transfer both of Libby’s final remaining embryos. I will be beyond anxious about the results of this transfer not only because I want to hold these babies in my arms, but also because I will have none remaining on ice. Everything and I mean everything will come down to this final transfer. If it doesn't work I will never have another chance to feel baby kicks, to know a life is growing inside of me. If it doesn't work, I will not only grieve the loss of Libby’s precious snowflakes, but also that I will never know what it’s like to be pregnant to term.

Or in a real terrible turn of events, they all might not survive thaw. There may be none to transfer. I will feel blindsided. This is unlikely, but possible. So the final page to this chapter could even be written tomorrow.

We will finally know how this part of the story will be written tomorrow.

I will arrive at the clinic at 7:30am for an 8am CST transfer.

I am eager, hopeful, and scared for what tomorrow brings.

58 comments:

  1. I have faith that all will go well for you tomorrow.

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  2. Wishing you all the best and your dreams coming true!!

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  3. I am wishing for the best possible outcome for you!

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  4. Thinking of you & sending warm thoughts for a safe thaw & successful transfer.

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  5. First, massive ((hugs))!! I can't imagine how stressful it is knowing that tomorrow is such a pivotal day. You know I'm rooting for you and keeping you in my prayers. If it wasn't for you I (and others too!) probably wouldn't even know about donor embryos so I feel like it just HAS to work for you!

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    1. Thank you! I hope so too. I will feel sad to leave the EA world, even though I hope I have made a difference during my short stay in it. I am glad I made an impact on you, and I hope it brings you your family! thanks so much.

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  6. Thinking of you! All the best to you and Kevin.

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  7. Hoping that tomorrow is indeed *IT* for you in a good way!

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  8. Thinking of you tomorrow, and wishing for ONLY good things!

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  9. Lifting so many prayers for you and the embabies!
    ((HUGS))

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  10. You are in my prayers!

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  11. Fingers crossed everything will go perfectly!! We can help one another through the wait as my beta is in a week!

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    1. Ahh! Good luck! I hope you get a strong beta! Fingers crossed for you!!

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  12. So so so many prayers! Hoping for the best possibly outcome!

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  13. I am praying too! You so deserve this!

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  14. Sending nothing but good thoughts. You will make a wonderful Mom. Lots of prayers for your snowflakes.

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    1. Oh Trish, that is so nice of you to say. Thank you for the prayers and good thoughts!

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  15. Thinking of your and hoping tomorrow goes smoothly!

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  16. wow. rollercoaster ride of emotions x1000 huh? have faith. breathe. pray. smile. tomorrow you are blessed with the chance to nurture your very own little embryo miracles.....have fun watching QVC tonite since you clearly won't be able to sleep :) sending you positive thoughts and prayers for success from SC....

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    1. You called it! i barely slept a wink. :) Thanks for the prayers!

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  17. My mom and I have you in our prayers!!!

    Been talking about you guys and thinking of you both. Best of luck tomorrow.

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    1. That's so sweet of you both! That means so much to us!

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  18. Good luck tomorrow! I'll be thinking nothing, but good thoughts for you guys. Sending lots of positive juju!

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  19. Praying for you this morning!!!!!!!!!

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  20. Praying for you and those sweet embryos this morning. Wishing you lots of luck and even more love.

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    1. Aww, thanks Lainey!! Things are going well!

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  22. Praying for you guys! I am looking forward to your next post...and praying for great newst! I am hoping for twinkies! ;)

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    1. Twinkies! That's adorable!!! :) I just posted, things went great! Thanks for the prayers!

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