Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Little Wonders

Yesterday morning, I showered and got ready for work. I hopped in the car and decided I'd turn on my "singable" playlist for the drive in. After all, I was in a singing kind of mood after seeing the beautiful word Yes+ appear on my pregnancy test! 

The 25 minute drive into work consisted of me belting out some Cher, Jason Derulo, and Less Than Jake. But just as I was just pulling up to my office, a song I had totally forgot about came on: Little Wonders by Rob Thomas



I love this song and I can't believe I had forgotten about it. But as it began to play, I found myself vividly remembering the lyrics. And as it played and I sang along in an increasingly wavering voice, I could start to feel happy tears streaming down my face.

let it go,
let it roll right off your shoulder
don’t you know
the hardest part is over
let it in,
let your clarity define you
in the end
we will only just remember how it feels

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists and turns of fate
time falls away, 
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain


While I obviously can't be even close to sure that the hardest part is over, I let my guard down for those few moments and allowed myself to believe that it just might. I know one thing for sure. I'll never take a second of any of it for granted.

Have you ever been blindsided by a song during your struggle or after your success that brought you to tears? What song was it?

And last, I'll leave you with this morning's test progression.

I'm blown away by the darkening of my pregnancy tests. I've never seen this kind of noticeable difference day after day in the past. I can't help but be hopeful. I can't help but feel like this time is different.



57 comments:

  1. Those are some beautiful lines! I think there might be two in there!!!!

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    1. Thanks so much! I think you might be right, but I'll be thrilled with one or two!!

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  2. Beautiful song and beautiful line progression on those tests!!

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  3. Congratulations! Your tests are gorgeous!!

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  4. I love everything about this post. Yay for dark lines!!!

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    1. Thanks!! It's so incredible to finally see them!

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  5. AW what a fitting song! And those are some amazing tests! I am still hoping you get those TWINBLINGS!

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  6. Liz, this is my first chance to say Congratulations! I have been watching your testing results over the last couple of days excitedly! However many are holding on in there appear to be holding on tightly! I am praying that this continues to progess positively for you and Kevin! Those are some beautiful lines.
    I loved the words to the song that touched you so much. Such very fitting words for this time in your life. Beautiful.
    Since you like to POAS and are still a few days away from a BETA, I was wondering if you had considered using one of those new clear blue easy digital tests that also estimate the number of weeks? I didn't see any information on THEIR website about the HCG levels that they use to determine the number of weeks , but another link to a study looked like 10+ was a 1-2 week, 156+ was a 2-3 week, and 2600+ was a 3+ week result...Just wondering. Not sure if these are a blessing or a curse to us infertiles!

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    1. Thank you so much for the kind words and prayers! You know what's funny, I bought some CBE digital w/weeks estimator on amazon yesterday. They arrive tomorrow! LOL! I didn't realize what the hcg thresholds were. I was thinking I'd take my first on Sunday or something. It's a three pack so I didn't want to waste any too soon, but I think I just might do one on Sunday. Stay tuned!! :) Thanks for commenting!

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    2. Well, since there ARE 3, I really hope you do one sooner.

      Since you are definitely getting a positive on a FR, your levels are over 25 for sure! I am type A and if this had been available when I was testing, I thing I would have loved to have known approximately where my levels were prior to getting that blood draw. :) But that is just me.
      (Im)patiently waiting the next test result!

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  7. YES YES YES!! Love the darkening!!! When is the beta I cant take it anymore!!!!!

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    1. Not until Monday! Can you believe it? 13dp6dt!!!! That's 19 freakin' DPO! I feel like I'll have a two year old by then. SOOOO FAR AWAY! AHHH! :)

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    2. Ugh are they closed Friday!?! Otherwise there is no excuse! Just show up, say you got teh date wrong, and demand they take your blood! ;-)

      In the mean time, lets see the week digital ones!!

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    3. LOL they know me too well, I'm pretty high-maintenance and I know for sure they'd know it was no accident! They normally tests 11dpt, which is a Saturday so they bumped it to the follow Monday. Torture, i tell ya! Yeah, you've convinced me. I'll try the CBE weekly progression ones maybe Thursday or maybe even tomorrow. After all, there are three...might as well!

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  8. Feeling very ++++++ for you!!!

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  9. I told you that even in the midst of feeling hopeless, the third time is very often the charm for FETs! Your line progression is looking awesome!

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  10. It's funny you should mention that song because that song ALWAYS reminds me of the time after my first son was born. It was just past midnight in the middle of February and there was just something so magical about that moment. I always bawl when that song is on! I am glad it has found some meaning to you as well!! Also, love the test progression! I think this is your sticky baby!!

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    1. Aww, thats very sweet! Thanks for commenting!

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  11. I'm so incredibly happy for you. Still praying!

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  12. It's so neat to see your line get so much darker each day!! :) I am so thrilled that everything is going differently for you this time around!!Do you know when you will find out how many babies there are? I
    Will be hoping and praying to see one or two sweet little babies in just a few months!

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    1. Thanks! I'm not quite sure when the ultrasound will be, but I would think it would be in a couple of weeks. :) Fingers crossed!

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  13. Congrats!!! Praying for a strong beta for you! You give me hope! I don't know how you stay so positive throughout the journey. I am just starting IVF #3 with the saizen protocol (hoping that helps my egg quality). I'm so nervous of the outcome, especially since my beta will probably be a few days before Christmas.

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    1. Thanks so much! It's sweet of you to say I'm so positive. Many days I feel like the most negative, miserable person ever. I really hope the third time is the charm for you too!

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  14. I was just thinking about what Jennifer had written. I had a great feeling about this transfer....as we were doing our VERY last one she specifically prayed me through it. When I had little hope she was still there encouraging me about the "3rd" FET. I, like you, had moved forward in my mind toward heading down the domestic adoption path, which would have also been exciting. There was something about "letting go" with the final transfer that made it special too. We are all here--praying you through!!! So glad to see those tests darkening for you and glad you are enjoying the little moments---they are often the ones that end up being the big moments :)--Bev :)

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    1. You're right. This one felt different going in - for SO many reasons. I definitely did let go and accept that what is meant to be will be. I am so excited thinking about this one finally having worked! Thanks for commenting.

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  15. Those are beautiful, dark lines!!!

    Songs that I listen to daily that can bring me to tears: Roar (Katy Perry), The Climb (Miley Cyrus), I Will Wait (Mumford & Sons), Firework (Katy Perry) and Home (Phil Phillips)

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  16. That beta is going to be STRONG!! So happy for you!! any symptoms at all yet?

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    1. Why Monday? Noooo!! You must beg for a test tomorrow and then on Friday! Then again I had to wait with Sarah because my test day would have been Christmas Eve. We will all have to be patient and just watch those pink lines get darker and darker!

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    2. I know, isn't it crazy?! :( I so wish they'd work with me, but they refuse. My nurse says they need it to be the most "accurate" and I didn't want to argue with her even though I know that's nonsense! Boo...guess I Just have to be patient and continue to pee on everything in a 10 mile radius! :)

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    3. Post some more tests! Love seeing them all. Glad symptoms are setting in for you!!

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  17. Just LOOK at that beautiful progression!! I'm really excited for your betas and first ultrasound!!

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  18. Hi LIz...you don't know me, but I have been following your site for a while...a friend of mine gave me your blog address because I was exploring the idea of embryo adoption at one point. I have a son, and due in part to my age, we are having a hard time getting pregnant again, despite utilizing fertility treatments. I wanted to tell you congratulations and to also answer your question about whether a song has touched me at just the right time. When I first learned I was pregnant with my son, I was so full of fear because of several past miscarriages. Then I learned I lost of the twins I was carrying...and the fear was kicked up a notch! One day, I was driving home from work and I had my radio on a Christian radio station and the song, "The Voice Of Truth" from Casting Crowns came on and I found myself in tears. It gave me hope that Christ's voice should be so much more stronger in my head than all the fear I was "listening" to because of past failures. It really helped me get thru the remainder of my pregnancy. I wish you a blistful and worry-free 9 months! You and I are both in the TWW now....I did an IUI last Monday and Tuesday....but despite my undying hope, I don't have any symptoms, so it appears I won't have the good outcome you are having.

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    1. Thanks for the kind words and the songs. I know several women (dozens, even) who had no symptoms and ended up pregnant. I'm totally serious - I have hope for you! Keep me posted, I really hope you find yourself surprised. Big hugs to you, hang in there. This journey can be so hard sometimes.

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  19. Oh you are pregnant ! No doubt, big big congrats!

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  20. Love seeing those two lines.Oh how I enjoy seeing them for you.I keep praying for you and your baby (s) on a daily basis.What a wonderful blessing.

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  21. This post just put a HUGE smile on my face for you! I'm so unbelievably happy for you right now! I believe you were meant to hear that song at that very moment. Take in every moment you have like this! I love it!!! Congratulations!

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    1. Aww, you're so sweet! Thanks for the kind words!

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  22. I'm so happy for you!!!!! I totally relate to music! When I was going through IVF, and driving to Austin an hour each way for monitoring, blood work, etc. I would always listen to Spirit 105.9. One day, the song "The Voice of Truth" by Casting Crowns came on. I knew every word to the song, because I've listened to it many times! But, on that day, and everyday since it just speaks to me so much differently!! I love it!! And, it's on the soundtrack to Facing the Giants, which is one of my favorite movies!!

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    1. Isn't that crazy how that works? Music can be very powerful and moving. :) I hope all is well with you!

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  23. Sorry, I'm new to this and not too sure if I'm doing this right. LOL!
    I found your blog and was so excited to see that you and I both had snowflake transfers on the very same day. You in Austin and me in Houston. :) seeing positive tests gives me hope. I'm so excited for you. I can only imagine how wonderful you must be feeling.
    After enduring the pain of miscarriage myself I too am longing for some good news.
    I can't wait to read all about your beta test results on Monday. My beta test is scheduled for Tuesday the 3rd.
    I'll be sure to say some prayers for the both of us!

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    1. I really hope that you get good news on Tuesday. I will be keeping my fingers crossed and saying prayers for you! Good luck!

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  24. I check your blog every morning hoping to see more and more good news and today was no exception!!! I think this holiday season is going to be extra special for you. I continue to send you lots of good karma and positive thoughts!

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    1. That's so sweet of you! I hope I continue to have good news to tell. :) I agree, it feels like I have a good holiday season in store for us! Thanks for the good karma and positive thoughts!

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  25. This is looking so good, I am so happy for you! <3

    Songs I remember from my IF journey are Alicia Keys' Super Woman and David Cook's Permanent. The first I often listened to when driving to work, the latter when drawing my penguins.

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  26. Those sticks are looking good!!!

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