Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Yesterday was a big day

Yesterday was a big day for a couple reasons...

First off, yesterday was the first time I experienced the National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day having lost two babies myself. I was surprised how much the day affected me both in a comforting way and also in a difficult way. I found myself surrounded by so much love from other blog readers, IF friends, EA moms, etc., showing their support for all of the lost angel babies. But while there were many moments of comfort, I also found myself dealing with many moments of extreme grief as well. To be honest, this part caught me off guard. I had to hold back tears a few times at work thinking about the sadness for our babies who never made it into our arms. A woman posted this picture on one of the support group boards yesterday and I found I couldn't contain myself anymore and felt the tears come. They say a picture can tell a thousand words, and this picture certain does.

In addition to all of the online board posts, I also chose to go public on my Facebook about our losses. It was so touching to see how many of my friends reached out or "liked" it. My aunt even offered to light candles and pray for us which was very sweet.

To switch gears, I have some really exciting news to share...

Kevin's mom woke up yesterday!

The ICU doctor was finally able to take her off the ventilator and she is now able to breathe on her own. Once that happened, they lifted her sedation and she was very alert. As soon as I heard the news, I left work and rushed to the hospital. I was overjoyed by being able to talk with her again! She had to whisper due to the irritation in her throat, but she was able to tell us of the experience of surgery and being in ICU from her perspective for the past seven days. Unfortunately she had some disturbing nightmares as she "slept". In fact, she thought she had died and was watching herself in the ICU as a conspiracy unfolded. She dreamed that she was in a funeral home and the hospital was trying to sell bodies and was heartbroken that she'd never see her kids again. Can you imagine how frightening that must have been? She's very relieved that all of it was just a dream and we are so elated that this huge hurdle has been passed. She's on her way to a great recovery! Words can't express how grateful we are that she's finally at this point!

And in cycle news, I take my last birth control on Sunday. Hallelujah. I realize without a doubt that these pills make me feel one unusual emotion - fury! My temper is incredible short when I'm on them which is not like the normal me at all. I can't wait to kick them to the curb! Only a few days left!


  1. So glad she is awake and can talk to you all! Important step in her recovery! Just one more day of those pills- no matter what it's an important step in your journey to be a mom!

    1. Oh gosh, me too! So much!

      And it's the final countdown for the evil pills! Yay!

  2. I'm so glad she woke up. I hope she has a smooth recovery.

    That picture gets me every time, too. It expresses it perfectly. HUGS!

  3. Amazing news! I'm glad she's doing better!

    That picture--WOW!

  4. *big hugs* I'm so glad you felt comfortable enough to "come out" about the losses. While it's not for everyone, it certainly helped me. It's always nice to see the love and support people show. <3
    And, if ever there were a picture worthy of the cliche about 1000 words, that's definitely one. *more hugs* <3

    1. I agree!
      Yeah it was good. Although it wasn't earth shattering news or anything, I know our babies deserved to be recognized. They were real and will always be real.

  5. Very grateful she woke up! Praise the Lord