Sunday, August 11, 2013

Struggles with my dad

Sorry I didn't post yesterday. It was kind of a hectic day with my dad. I'll talk about that later.

As far as our embryo selection goes, we told our embryologist we would let her select which two to transfer on the big day based on quality. She told us that all five of our embryos were excellent quality, so from a quality standpoint, there is no difference. The only thing that sets them apart is how they are frozen. Two from Libby's batch are frozen to a single straw, whereas the rest are all frozen as singles to straws. Because of this, she recommends we thaw and transfer the two-in-a-straw of Libby's and we can thaw the rest as singles next time. I let both Libby and Vicky know this because I think it's important for them to be aware of such an important decision. We love that final little day 6 snowflake from Vicky's batch with all of our hearts, but it looks like it will be waiting in the wings for this go-round. Vicky was incredibly supportive and understanding, as I knew she would be.

I have already knocked out two Lupron injections and even though the hot flashes have set in, I do feel good otherwise. It's funny how the smell of the alcohol swabs bring back so many emotions and feelings. Kind of a sensory overload at each shot!

This weekend has been really crazy, again. Seems like they all are lately! As you may know, my dad lives up the street from us. He has some serious health challenges. He is blind, bipolar, and severely diabetic. His blindness is a genetic disease with no cure, his bipolar disorder is for the most part, managed with medication. But his diabetes is incredibly out of control. He is in a large amount of denial about his diabetes, probably due to impulsivity from the bipolar disorder. He does not check his blood sugar at all, and anyone who tries to help him or encourage him ends up being his enemy. My whole family has tried encouraging him to take steps to better monitor and manage his diabetes, yet despite this, he refuses to make any changes. The more we try to help, the more he rebels. It's been tragic to watch because I know this will end up killing him one day. I think most of us have resolved to trying to show him as much love as we can while we watch him destroy himself slowly. I know it killed my mom to watch helplessly and she'd cry about it constantly.

Now that he is in Texas, he has been seeing the same primary care doctor that Kevin sees. I am not privy to what happens at his appointments, but we trust his doctor completely. My dad recently had some blood work done, including his A1C, and while I don't know the actual results, the doctor recognized how out of control his diabetes is and ordered a home care nurse for him. They are quickly seeing that his lifestyle is going to kill him if he doesn't get a handle on it.

It has been wonderful that this doctor is giving him this advice without the involvement of any of his family members. My dad realizes he can't make us the enemy this time because we aren't involved with it this time. I think he is finally starting to recognize that the diabetes it the enemy. It's the first time I've ever seen him take any medical advice about his health to heart. It's an answer to my prayers. The nurse started visiting him this weekend, and based on what she saw, she gave him an increase to his insulin and ordered him a talking blood glucose monitor. Shockingly, he has cooperated with most of it. But I was pretty alarmed to hear that the nurse suggested he be admitted to the hospital on Friday night due to extremely high blood glucose levels, and of course, he refused to go. But she stayed with him all night and gave him insulin until his levels came down to a reasonable place again.

My dad and I had lunch yesterday, and we had a good conversation about it. For the first time ever I felt like he was listening and acknowledging that he needs to help himself. I let him know that I am so happy to hear that he's trying to take control away from his diabetes. I told him how proud I am of him! I have insulin resistance myself, and while I am not diabetic, I also have to recognize my limitations in my diet if I want to remain nondiabetic. I also test my blood glucose from time to time. We talked about good food choices, and all of the yummy things he can eat and get excited about. I invited him over for dinner tonight, which is always a diabetic friendly menu due to the way we eat in our house due to my insulin resistance.

So now you're caught up on my struggles with my dad and his diabetes. I pray he is going to make some good choices and his diabetes gets under control. If he doesn't, the reality is that one day I will go over there and find him not breathing. Or he may die an awful death from diabetic ketoacidosis. Or worst still, suffer amputated limbs or other terrible complications before a miserable death. I'm trying to be as prepared for this as I can. But for now, I'm going to hang onto the hope that this time just might be different.

Lastly, Nadia's blood glucose tanked last night into the 40s again last night. We were up into the wee hours of the morning testing and feeding. We are lowering her dose again, but it seems like diabetes has quite the influence on our lives right now.


  1. I'm so excited for your transfer!

    I'm sorry your dad AND your kitty are having such struggles with their health. That must be really difficult to juggle!

    1. Me too. Thanks so much for the kind words. I hope things calm down a bit and my dad makes some good choices and Nadia starts to go into remission. In the meantime, I'm learning to juggle the best I can! :) Thanks for the constant support.

  2. I'm so sorry for the pressure that your Dad's health puts on you. It is so hard to watch your surviving parent just falling apart and to live in that constant fear that you'll lose them. After my dad died, my Mom has gained over 50lbs and isn't taking care of her house, watching her money, or anything. Its unbearable to watch her spiral downward and be helpless to stop it. She becomes irate if you say anything to her. It took a minor heart attack and a trip to the ER to wake her up somewhat. Now at least she's on anti-depressants and being monitored by her MD, but how long that will last? Just keep praying and hoping and doing the best we can, and realize that we can't control our parents - no matter how much we want to help them. But I know how tough it is and I'm so sorry you're facing that. Huge (((HUGS)))
    and Squeee! so excited for your ET!

    1. Thank you so much. It amazes me how parallel our stories are!!! It really has been hard. Kevin has gone through a similar situation with his surviving mom after his dad's death. It is heartbreaking knowing you can't do anything if they refuse the help, yet you watch them destroy themselves. I really pray for you and your family that your mom can recover emotionally and can get a handle on all of the things she needs to. *hug*

      Thanks for the kind words and support! I really appreciate your comments!

  3. I am sorry that you are dealing with this on top of everything else! Hoepfully you can be a good role model and support person for your dad!

  4. I hope that your dad continues to realize his health is important, if not for himself, then for you and his future grandbabies. I'm so sorry diabetes plays such a big part in your life.