First of all, thank you so much for the outpouring of love, support, and encouragement from yesterday's gloomy faith-questioning post. I was at a very low place yesterday. I couldn't stop crying for the majority of the day. I cried while in the shower, getting ready for work, driving to work. I was so upset I think I even forgot to brush my teeth. I had a one-on-one meeting with my boss and he asked me how I was doing with everything because he knows the basics of what is going on. And guess what? I cried in there too. At least it wasn't sobbing ugly-crying. Just more of the eyes-tear-up-and-you-need-to-catch-your-breath-before-speaking kind of cry. He is very understanding and said if I need time away from work, I can have it. I'm sure I will, but right now I'm trying to tough it out because I will need it if the end finally comes. One of my coworkers came over to me later in the day and asked me if I was okay. I think he could probably sense my moping and lack of talking to others. I explained things weren't going well on the pregnancy front, and of course choked back tears explaining it. Hopefully the crying trigger will be a little less sensitive today.
The OB's nurse called yesterday and left a voicemail. She said they received the beta results. If you'll remember, the OB said at Wednesday's appointment that if the beta was below 10,000 he would call this over now. Well, apparently he saw the results were 8661 and is now saying that we should still "press forward" so I would consider that a change of mind from his earlier statement. I'm slightly uplifted by this, except I still believe this is not headed in a good direction. But at least I know his recommendation is not to end this now. Because I couldn't even if he wanted me to.
My next ultrasound is next Wednesday, March 27th at 8:30am CST.