We are still in a torturous holding pattern. I'm not sure what else to say about it hence why I haven't really had anything to write about. We are still braced for the news of a blighted ovum miscarriage on Wednesday. I lie awake almost every night with a heavy heart and a injured soul. It is becoming easier to face the facts than hold out unjustified hope. It feels like it's the right thing to do at the moment and acknowledge where this is headed, as painful as it is. We can't explain away the non-doubling betas or the empty sac at 7 weeks. That's just the reality of it. Unless a actual miracle happens, we've come to terms with this ending badly.
On top of everything, we are bleeding money left and right for these ultrasounds and lab work appointments because my RE's billing staff still has not processed our claim properly for the FET and it appears our deductible for 2013 has not been met, when it really has. I'm so upset over that. I hope it can get worked out this week. I am riding them like crazy but it doesn't seem to matter. I hate to say this, but if I have a D&C (surgery to remove the contents of a miscarriage from a uterus) in my future and I have to pay out of pocket needlessly for it, I'm going to blow an emotional gasket and probably have a nervous breakdown. Or I could just spontaneously start bleeding at the moment I least expect it. Like at work, during a meeting, or while laying in bed. I can't begin to describe the emotions we are working through.
On a separate but related note, I receive daily emails from a Christian infertility organization called Sarah's Laughter. I liked this one and thought I would share.
I have heard friends and family say to us "I was going to reach out but I just didn't know what to say." That's a tough situation to be in. Those suffering need the support and love from their family and friends. Hopefully this post will help those of you know how to best support someone in your life who is suffering from infertility/loss.
I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
Nevertheless, you have done well to share with me in my affliction.
If you are the one struggling with infertility, guess what? Today’s Daily Double Portion is not for you! Please print this copy out, hand it to the nearest friend or family member, turn your computer off and patiently wait until tomorrow for your next Daily Double Portion!
If you love someone who is carrying the heavy load of unplanned “un-pregnancy”, you may find it difficult to know how to offer support for their struggle. They definitely need your encouragement, but it is sometimes so difficult for friends and family to know how to offer the support. As we struggle with infertility, our relationships with friends and family are undeniably touched. Those who conceive easily may have difficulty truly understanding the struggle an infertile couple faces every single day. In our effort to offer support for those who struggle, we submit these suggestions for ways that friends and family can offer their own support to those they love. These are simple, practical ways to show your love and support. If Sarah’s Laughter can help you in any way, please feel free to contact us at any time.
What to Say...
What NOT to say...
As Philippians 4:13-14 says, we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength, but it is so good of you to share with your infertile friends/family in their trouble. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for caring for hurting people and making such a wonderful effort to ease the pain of unintentional childlessness.