Thursday, March 14, 2013
I'm just sad
After yesterday's ultrasound, we held onto some hope for a while. But after Kevin got home from work we really got to talking about it, and we we came to real terms with the possibility of this ending badly. We came to terms with the fact that there's a very good chance this will be a blighted ovum miscarriage. We talked realistically about next steps. Those of you who have been through a blighted ovum miscarriage before I'm sure have been thinking the same thing and maybe just haven't been willing to say it, and I appreciate helping us stay optimistic. But we know too much at this point. Sure, we can and will hold onto hope for a miracle but the reality is that we are already at 7 weeks with just an empty sac AND betas that aren't doubling properly. Next week should finally give us answers, but I'm afraid of what those answers will be. But at least we will have answers, there is some relief in that. I can't begin to describe the emotional turmoil this has put us through. We have never been through something so horrific in our lives. We just need answers and to get out of this gray area.
We are praying for a miracle, but the truth is, I can feel that we are both working through the stages of acceptance that this may not be it for us. And today I'm just really sad, weepy, and depressed.
Last night, I had a dream that my mom was comforting me through this. I wonder if it was really her.
Thanks for listening. Please continue to pray for a miracle for us.
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