Monday, March 4, 2013

Beta #4 - :(

It came back as 1235 today after being at 580 on Thursday. This puts doubling at 88 hours and not between 48-72 hours like it should be. I'm beside myself in tears. I had to come home early from work and ugly cried the whole way. I had to call my boss and tried to hold back ugly crying (unsuccessfully) telling him I'm gone for the day and possible tomorrow if I can't get it together.

I got my beta by calling into the office and the nurse who answered read it to me but said the doctor had not interpreted the results yet. She said that my assigned nurse would be contacting me with next steps. Sure enough, about 15 minutes later I got an email from my assigned nurse saying that we should get scheduled for an ultrasound next Friday, 3/15. I don't get it. They aren't doing any more betas on me until then and she even said "be prepared to not see a heartbeat or even a baby since it will be so early" (I would be 7w2d at that time so I think it would be pretty bad not to see anything...) Am I losing my mind? 88 hours is terrible.

Anyway, I don't know what to think/feel right now. I'm scared to hold onto too much hope. I'm scared to let myself fall into believing I'm destined to miscarry. I just kind of want to crawl out of my skin.


  1. Wow, I am so sorry for you!! I don't know anything about betas or ultrasounds, but I am sending you lots of good energy and praying you have the strength to get through the next couple weeks.

  2. I'm sorry that you are having to go thru this. Perhaps you could ask your nurse if you could schedule an ultrasound sooner than 7w2d...? It may give you some peace of mind because March 15 is a long time to wait. (Hugs)

  3. I just went through something similar. They are able to get a better idea by seeing the ultrasound verses hcg levels at this point. I have a friend who had high levels and her first u/s was at 7w3d they only seen a gestational sac and yolk sac. Her RE said that he is not worried. Fingers crossed for you and I know how hard this time is. Beta hell is is the worst though. At least this way you know. Thinking of you and hoping for good news.

  4. Ok breath. My clinic said for two days they want at least a 50% rise. I think that's about 80 hrs. Mine was a doubling time of 80 hrs and they told me to come in for number three but that I'm not out yet so hang in there. You should see a heartbeat at 7w2d. I don't get that. I would have a demanded a 6week US at least see I'd your measuring correctly.

  5. That is so scary. I can imagine that the next few days will be extremely hard for you. Praying that you're able to stay calm, think positive and that it is not bad news. Hugs!

  6. Hey lady - it's JBDamonM from the Bump... I left you a comment on the PAIF board, but I agree with trying to get the RE to move the u/s up. Perhaps the RE thinks you implanted later than you did?
    I am sending you huge vibes and prayers for a growing baby!!!!

  7. Hang on! The beta # still went up a considerable amount. I have read lots of blogs that have had low beta numbers, and numbers that didn't rise as they "should" and still they had successful pregnancy's with healthy take home babies. My clinic only does two beta tests. I can't imagine the stress of waiting for those numbers FOUR times! It was bad enough waiting for the ultrasound.

    I have a feeling that if your doctor/nurse knew how upset you were right now, they would probably move your u/s to an earlier date. I am also confused as to why you wouldn't see a heartbeat at 7w2d. It should be visible at about the 6 and 1/2 week mark. I would recommend asking for an earlier appointment.

    I'm so sorry you are going through this.

  8. I know it's easy to say but try not to over-analyze your betas. It's not an exact science. Remember that most (fertile) pregnant women never know what their betas are. Praying for you!

  9. Ummm.... take a deep breath. You don't need to hang your hat on a number. It's just a number. And it's an average. Did the RE office tell you your doubling time or did you calculate it online? They may not even calculate it at this point. And if you really want to analyze statistics, I'm pretty sure 88 is within 1 standard deviation of 72. In other words, IT'S NOT THAT BAD!!! I think you are stressing yourself out for nothing. Most places don't even do 4 betas. Call, tell them how upset you are and beg them to move the ultrasound up. They probably will help you set your mind at ease.
    I'm not sure about the heartbeat thing- you wouldn't hear it at 7 weeks but you would see it. Maybe they are just warning you in case it's hard to see.
    But seriously, you've got to stop stressing over ever little detail. I don't mean to sound I compassionate- I've been there. I have one EA DD, but I also have a failed cycle and a slow growing embryo that we lost at 6 weeks. It's terrible when that happens, but don't let the small possibility of that steal your joy. You are pregnant. You've had 4 increasing betas and tons of + pee sticks. Hold onto what you know to be true and enjoy this season of your life. Rejoice that you're pregnant. Thank God for the baby He has brought to life in your womb. If you don't get control over this constant worry, you will have a terrible pregnancy experience. It's a long 9 months- so much could go wrong- but it usually doesn't. Analyzing every number, average, or symptom that you have - or don't have- will make you crazy if you let it. (An EA or IVF baby doesn't have any more risks than a 'regular' baby.) And the worry doesn't end after you deliver the baby; it only intensifies. So- get control of it now- decide that you are going to walk this path with joy and thankfulness. Is there someone you can talk to to help you process all of this???
    I'm praying that they move your U/S up and that it shows a healthy little baby.

    1. that was supposed to say " I don't mean to sound UNcompassionate" - I know you are in tough place emotionally- but I'd hate to see the worry ruin what is supposed to be a happy time.

  10. Trust in God, girl. Trust in God. Infertility can be a cruel, cruel roller coaster, and the devil can try to steal every ounce of joy. Do not let him! I pray right now that with your faith as your sheild, you would be able to "extinguish the flaming arrows of the evil one" - Ephesians 6:16.

    Cling to God's truth - He has a plan for you and will never leave you.

    The truth is that your numbers ARE still going up. That is GOOD news. Cling to that this day and enjoy each day with this little fighter in your belly!

    Hang in there, girl!


  11. Oh Liz I am so sorry you are going through this. Take a deep breath and try to relax. (easier said than done) Unfortunately nothing you can do will be able to control the outcome. So do your best to take care of yourself and stay call till your ultrasound! Hugs!

  12. HI I'm new to your blog...hang in there and think positive. (i know, so hard in the realm of infertility) , but with that said your numbers went up! My RE has always said that as long as they are going up, that's an indication that there is a pregnancy. I can't imagine having to wait until the 15th...but hang in there!!!! Glad to have stumbled upon your blog!

  13. My clinic only had me do two beta tests... so I don't know what my numbers were beyond that. I think it's a bit strange that your clinic wanted more than two. It just causes unnecessary worry!

    I liked Laura's comment. Trust in the Lord! "For I know the plans I have for you," Declares the Lord "plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

    Praying for you!