Wednesday, February 20, 2013

4wk0d pregnant. Are we talking about me? Can't be!

4wk0d pregnant. Are we talking about me? No, we must be talking about someone else because this is just impossible. Hopefully after the beta it will feel more real! But today puts me right at the 4wk0d mark. Wacky!

I've been having some queasiness starting after my nap on Monday until I went to sleep and again from around 10am yesterday to about 3pm. No nausea so far today but I'm wondering if this is indeed some form of morning sickness setting in a little early. We stocked up on ginger beer!

I POAS once this morning, and it's much darker. That makes me happy!

I did something stupid this morning and now I'm feeling guilty. I'm not saying that to be funny, I mean it - I really do feel guilty. Our water went out this morning. Our neighborhood HOA group was emailing back and forth about it and when the water was finally restored, someone asked the group if there would be a boil-water order put in place. I replied to the entire HOA group saying something along the lines of "I'm not sure but I'll call the water company and ask and get back to you. I'm pregnant and I don't want to risk it."

I hit send and immediately cringed.  That email went to over 600 homes. Had I not learned anything during the time I struggled?  I am so excited about being pregnant that I want to shout it from the mountain tops, but what does my being pregnant have to do with anything? What did it add to my email? Nothing.  I just became one of those insensitive people who flashed her pregnancy in front of a bunch of strangers. And no doubt some of them either have or are currently struggling. I couldn't take it back once it was sent. I suppose it could be worse, but I do sincerely feel bad about adding that pointless and braggart sentence to my email. I have vowed time and time again never to forget my sisters who still silently suffer. I promise I will never forget. The experience of infertility has forever changed me. From the bottom of my heart, I am sorry I did that.

Luckily there is no boil-water order in effect so we are good there.

As far as my upcoming beta goes, I emailed my RE nurse yesterday and asked if we could move it up to today so my second would be Friday. She said no. Well, actually here is what she said verbatim:

I would really rather you wait until Friday for your test! 2 days can show huge changes in numbers and we want the most accurate number! We will do your second test on Monday which is normally how we do it! I know you are anxious and want to see the numbers, but we really need to wait the entire time!!!

I obviously will have to wait until Friday. She's right that two days can show a dramatic change in beta numbers, but I thought the number itself didn't matter so much as it's doubling time. I don't get what she means by the "most accurate number." At whatever point I get it drawn, it will be accurate. That didn't make sense.

Oooooh well. Holding out until Friday! And my second will be Monday.

One step at a time, here. One win at a time. :)


  1. Everytime instead your blog I get so excited!!

    1. I appreciate your super-duper support! I am praying for you too, hang in there!

  2. You are pregnant and you should feel proud of that fact. This is just my own humble opinion of course, but I do NOT think you should feel guilty or feel like you were insensitive in your email. It's a fact, and it's not bragging. You were wanting to be extra cautious because you are pregnant. You also want to shout it from the roof tops and you should be able to if you want to. Yes, some women can be over the top and insensitive. I don't believe you will EVER be that way because of what you have experienced in your IF journey. I am saying this as someone who is 38 and staring life in the face of possibly never having a baby. I personally do not get offended or have my day ruined by other people's baby announcements. I know some do, but the fact is that life isn't going to just suddenly stop producing kids because I can't have them myself. It's bittersweet and yes, it causes a little heartache for what I am missing, but I can still be happy for others and hopefully all your neighbors can be too.

    I can't wait to read about your beta results! And woo-hoo for a little bit of nausea :)

    1. Thanks. I guess I used to get kind of upset when I saw women flaunting their pregnancies at me and pregnancy announcements always stung, no matter how much I tried to make myself believe they didn't. It hurt way more after our failed IVF when we had no hope on the horizon so I guess it's varied depending on where I was. I just would hate to think I contributed to anyone's pain! I'm glad to hear that it wouldn't have bothered you that much. Maybe I'm overthinking it. :)

  3. Relax and enjoy these moments! You are definitely PREGGERS! The numbers just confirm that you are and you have a dark line, so ENJOY! The numbers for first trimester levels in hcg is such a w-i-d-e range. Congratulations again! btw, remind me of my own words at the end of March, okay? ;)

    1. Thank you so much. I swear, everytime I think I'll be at a point where I can relax, theres a new goal I have to meet lol. After the betas, I'm sure I'll be nervous until the ultrasound. I need to relax. It's just crazy hard! I will definitely remind you in March. ;-) Good luck!