I've made it to 2dp5dt. Two days past our five day transfer, for those of you who don't know what that means. :) It's too early for me to feel anything, and it's way too early for me to take a HPT so I'm just trying to keep my mind off of it the best I can. Let me tell you, it's nearly impossible to do! Progesterone is evil because it gives you the exact same symptoms as pregnancy: Sore boobs, cramps, sleepy, nauseated and the list goes on and on. Yesterday I did feel a few twinges in my uterine area. I also noticed how markedly bloated I felt. But I'm chalking that one up to the progesterone playing tricks on me but what if it's not? What if....what if???
I've really been tossing around when to test. I've talked about it with Kevin and we most definitely do not want to wait to find out until they call with the beta results on Feb 22nd. If it's good news, we want to know right away. But more importantly, if it's bad news, we want to be eased into it instead of a big shocker and heartache all from one call. Either way, I've taken the 22nd off of work to brace myself for it one way or another.
That being said, I've seen women get their BFPs as early as 5 or 6 days past their transfer. Am I a fool to consider this? I really want to get a positive test during a day Kevin is home. I want to be able to announce it to him in the way I've had planned since we began TTC and I think my head will absolutely explode if I get a positive test on a week day where he's already left for work. That means the ideal time to test would be this weekend. Am I brave enough? Or I suppose I could wait until the evening of a workday next week and do it when he's home. Will I even be able to have self control to stick to whatever plan I come up with now? We shall see.
I have been so scared to completely let go and be positive about the potential outcome. Many people say they talk to their embryos after transfer and I've really tried to do this, but it seems so very foreign. I can tell that the one and only thing that is holding me back from really feeling this and letting go is the enormous fear that it won't work. It hurts so much knowing these two little ones are inside of me, but could go away in the blink of an eye. I love them so much but it's just hard letting it feel real because of these fears. I have prayed for peace and I waffle back and forth between extreme optimism and then major fear of failure.
One thing that has helped me stay positive has been fantasizing about the "how" and "where" I will tell Kevin about a BFP. I think about the tears I'll shed while I'm hugging him. I imagine the look on his face when he realizes what is going on during my big announcement. Infertility has robbed us of so much, but I refuse to let it rob us of the plan I had to announce it to him. I've planned it down to the minute detail.
And on that note, we bought a cute onesie for Kevin's mom as an announcement to her along with some "I love my Grandma" type children's books. She is a widower having lost her husband to cancer in 2004 and it will mean the world to her to learn of her first grandchild(ren) on his/her/their way. She has been 110% in the loop on our struggles and our transfer but we still want the announcement to be special.
My dad is recently widowed as well thanks to evil cancer. My dad is also blind. He started going blind at a young age but became legally blind in the early eighties. He has a degenerative retinal disorder called Retinitis Pigmentosa. In November 2012, he moved from Utah to now just up the street from me and it has been a treat to have him nearby! He has also been in the loop on our struggles and our recent transfer but I'd love to find a special way to announce it to him as well. The challenge is in his blindness and he doesn't read braille. Most of the announcements that come to mind have a strong visual component for the shock value. What in the world can I do that would immediately say "I'm pregnant. It worked!" without verbally just saying it outright? I wish there was something more special. Thoughts!?